I wanted my first entry to be dedicated to my Daddy, my hero. It was important to me to share his story, so this one is for you Dad. 

My Dad was the most complicated man you may ever have met, truly a mystery to understand, but oddly enough at the same time I understood him more than I ever have anyone, the apple truly does not fall far from the tree. My Dad grew up poor, but rich in so many ways because his Mother, my grandma was an absolute angel. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure to know her can attest to this. Never had a bad word to say about anyone, the definition of kindness. His father died when I was only two, but from the stories I've been told also a good man, but hard on my dad growing up, and not nearly as gentle as my Grandmother was. My dad lived life hard & fast, a true hellion. My mom & dad both teenagers when they met & married struggled in every way, in their relationship, in their journey as extremely young parents, financially, etc. They however, in time would blossom to become not only good parents, but my absolute best friends in life. 

As you grow older your priorities change, and rather than enjoy hanging out with friends, a night club, or out having drinks my priorities shifted & what was important to me was instead spending time w/ family & appreciating the people who raised me & showed me unconditional love. When I was younger I hated my Dad, he was a mean alcoholic who I swore if he ever died I'd be happy, oddly enough I got my wish one day when he got into an altercation w/ another guy and nearly died...the "evil" mean alcoholic did die that night, and from there on I was gifted w/ a father who I never had before & one that I loved immensely & would make up for all that lost time & never drink again.

My Dad was always there for me from that moment on, whatever I needed he was there along w/ my mom. He taught me to be independent & always be able to take care of myself, but taught me the tools to do just that. He was hard-headed, moody, sometimes had very little words to exchange, but there was also the side of him that brought so many smiles to people's faces, his humor was unmatched he could make you laugh harder than you ever had, and his love for children could melt your heart. He loved all animals & would show them more love and affection than he ever did my mom or any other human haha I have always been just like my dad, and my mom often says to me "Your dad is still here in you." I'm not sure that's always meant as a compliment ha.

When I got married & moved away it broke my Dad's heart, he didn't know what to do with himself anymore, we had always been together me & my parents we're a package deal, so it came to no surprise I eventually ended up having them living near me once again in Forrest City, and we were once again a family unit, sharing laughs & creating memories we'd never forget. Me, my now ex-husband, my parents, aunt & uncle we shared so many good times there on that lake, even Dylan my son many days found himself enjoying hanging out w/ all of us rather than going out w/ his friends. Endless bbqs, games of crochet, fishing, jet sking. It was the perfect life...until it wasn't.

My Dad's health began to decline, and one night was air lifted to a Memphis hospital, he had suffered a stroke. I remember the day like it was yesterday, bc it inevitably changed all of our lives forever. He had his good days, and he even began to get use out of his left side again and showed a lot of improvement, but it was never the same, and our lives were never the same. Throughout the years every part of our lives started to change, my marriage was failing, I was no longer in love w/ the man I married & once viewed as this prince charming. He went from being everything I thought I wanted to everything I was certain I did not want. It was a stressful period in my life, but I began to make the steps to get myself & my parents back home where we belonged, with the help of my Uncle Jackie we made the move and thank God we still had our homes & land to return to. They say God always has a plan for you & he clearly knew our plan & path was to return home & because of that he blocked our previous attempts to sell our land & Thank God he did!

We were all happy to be home & we were ready to get back on our feet, I right away got a job after being unemployed for years, and as God would have it the first job I applied for is the job I'm still at 10 years later! God truly intended for us to be back home & it was showing in every way. My dad was smiling again & happy to be home, but the stroke had still stolen so much from him. I did everything I could along w/ my Mom to make him happy & to know he was loved. I took over everything w/ the tending to the land & whatever he wanted or needed he got, but as the days past he was slowly disappearing right before our eyes. We would notice subtle changes, strange shifts in his mannerisms & personality. The things he used to love like watching football, he was no longer interested in. You looked into his eyes & saw emptiness. 

My Mom took him to many appointments & our greatest fears were finally confirmed & he was diagnosed w/ dementia, brought on from the stroke. My Mom was an absolute Angel during that time & did everything she could possibly do for him, but over time it got worse and worse & the disease caused him to turn violent leaving her w/ no choice but to move him to a retirement facility. We know my Dad was long gone at that time in all the ways that mattered, but it was still the most devastating & heart wrenching thing we had ever had to deal with. You don't know real pain until the man you had loved your entire life no longer recognized you or even himself, all his memories erased & all the joy in his life stolen like a thief in the night. Dementia has been called "The Cruelest disease" and it is so unbelievably accurate. Losing a loved one is never easy, but grieving a loved one that's still alive, is excruciating. 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Dad, quite literally tears stream down my face as I type this. I am truly thankful for all the years I was given with him, but mad as hell that dementia took him from me way before his time to go. He was imperfectly perfect & taught me how to be strong & fiercely myself. The song by Reba McEntire "Greatest man I never knew" has always been the best way for me to describe him, he was so unique, so himself, and will always be the Father I was blessed to have. Dad I will continue to love your land that you found all those years ago when I was just a child not old enough to appreciate the blessing  you gave us all, I will continue to take care of it & keep it as beautiful as that first day you drove us to see it. I will continue to take care of Mom & make sure she never forgets you.I'm so sorry you missed out on seeing your great grand children's smiles & laughter, oh how they would have loved you. I will continue to take care of your final resting place & make sure anyone that walks by your grave stone knows how loved you were & are. I will carry all the memories of you in my heart, and you will never, ever be forgotten.